When I arrived in Labour and Delivery, the only thing I can remember was the lights. They were so bright. I wanted so badly for them to be dimmed or turned off, but the contractions were coming so fast, and hurt so bad, I couldn’t even form the words. It was at this point I asked for an epidural – something I had not planned for.
My reasons for not wanting to get an epidural were many – but the main most sensible reason in my particular situation is that I have scoliosis. It has been said that sometimes the epidural does not work for women with scoliosis, and that even if it does, it can cause more pain in the long-term than for what it is worth.
But at this point, it was all I could do to keep from screaming. So I had my epidural, and much to my dismay and horror, it only took on one side. I was completely numb from the waist down on my right side, and could feel absolutely every sensation on my left. The nurse ordered for my epidural to have not one, but TWO topoffs, but no matter what they did, it just would not take on the left side. I want to say I have no regrets about your birth story, but unfortunately, I do regret getting the medication. Had it worked, I would have no regrets, but I feel as it caused me more pain than gain. Regardless, this story has the happiest of endings, and that my dear, is all that matters.
The next part is a complete blur – I remember writhing in pain, and feeling the need to push come on so suddenly, so strong. The nurse checked me again and to her absolute surprise I was 9 cm. Your father says I was only upstairs for an hour or so. And this is where it gets REALLY amazing! From the time I began to push, to the time you were born, was only 25 MINUTES. You were ready McKenna, you were so ready to be here.
I remember hearing “look down at your beautiful baby girl!” and then the emotions – oh the emotions – I felt. I was hysterically crying – from relief, from happiness, from love. From the feeling of disbelief that we had done it – that you were here, that you were healthy, that you were ours – 5 pounds 15 ounces, perfectly healthy, and absolutely beautiful. You were placed on my chest, and I just remember at that moment feeling so complete. Like I had been waiting for this moment not just for the past 9 months, but for my entire life.
I passed you to your father, so he could meet his perfect daughter. The child he had dreamt of his whole adult life. Your father says you were so quiet. So quiet but so alert. He cut the cord, and then held you gently for the first time, a feeling of such love in his eyes. We enjoyed some moments quietly as a new threesome, and then you were introduced to your Aunties who were waiting so impatiently in the next room. The feeling of love in that room is something I will never forget. I have never thought I could feel such emotions all at once. But you McKenna… in your 4 months of life thus far you have introduced me to many things I never thought were possible. You have taken my relationship with your father to a new level, a level of such mutual respect and such unbelievable admiration for each other. I never thought I could feel for somebody the way I feel for the two of you. We are a perfect little family, and together the three of us can conquer anything.
You are our greatest accomplishment, our love story and our true love.. our McKenna. Always and forever.
I’d like to say a HUGE thank you to my sister Helen, for taking these pictures! We will cherish them forever!