5 in the morning…

It is currently 5:10 in the morning over here in Edmonton, and all is quiet in my house. I politely excused myself from the bedroom due to my incessant coughing so that Matthew could get some more shut-eye for work, because although my cold is nearing an end, I have entered the “dry cough stage” where I spend every third waking moment coughing my lungs out. How pleasant, I know. Regardless, I am so incredibly thankful that Matthew and McKenna didn’t even seem to get the tiniest touch of this awful cold – thank you, breast milk! (in McKenna’s case only, of course) although Matthew swears he was sick for a few hours just the other day. Ha.

Anyways, I was lying awake thinking about McKenna as I always do. Thinking about how her arrival has changed me and bettered me as a person in so many ways. I have touched on this briefly before throughout previous posts, but here is a list of some of the ways that being a mother to a little girl has changed me for the better in these past 120-some days:

1. I am more patient – being a mother brings this out in you. Whereas patience used to be a quality I was sorely lacking, McKenna has helped me to realize that good things truly come to those who wait. Indeed, if we are facing a fussy period I am much more inclined to look to the future and think about how happy (or sleepy!!) she is going to be in the next little while if we just get past this moment. I have started to bring this trait into other aspects of my life also, and am becoming a better person for it.

2. I am more environmentally conscious – I like to think I have always been pretty environmentally conscious – we recycle, never litter, and go green when we can. But I am really trying to make an even stronger effort in this way now – making plans to grow a vegetable garden, start a compost. Recycling even more and wasting much less. Mainly because I want this world to be a better place for my daughter. I want there to still be trees, still be blue skies, still be warm summer days and snow-filled Christmas holidays when she is raising her own children. So I am more determined than ever to do my part.

3. I am healthier – I know, I know.. this cold, my first cold in 8 months has been a doozy. But even in the midst of this cold, I know that I am on the right path to healthy living. My choices are much more health conscious these days – a large part of this has to do with nursing, of course, but I have set goals for myself as to where I want to be health wise, with a big goal in mind – I want to be around for as long as possible, to see my little girl grow up. I also want McKenna to also incorporate healthy living into her life and I aim to lead by example.

4. I am more determined to succeed – granted, I am still not 100 percent sure what I want to do in the future. Do I want to return to work? Do I want to begin a new career path? What about being a stay at home mum? I find myself thinking about this more and more, and not only what will make me successful, but what will bring me the most happiness. I love to write. I know a career in writing would bring me contentment, so I have been brainstorming ways to accomplish just this, instead of just settling for what I already have. Another thing I want McKenna to bear witness to – her mother doing what she loves, by choice, everyday. I hope to succeed for my own personal happiness, and to show my daughter that doing what you love is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

5. I am a better communicator – This ties in with being more understanding. The biggest change I see in this regard is the way that Matthew & I communicate. I can be really terrible for not saying what I mean. Sometimes, I expect him to read my mind, which is really just setting me up for disappointment. Who am I to expect him to know what I am thinking? I am still guilty of this at times, but I am more aware of it. And awareness promotes change in a big way.

6. I am much more family driven – in that I never want the three of us to be apart, like, ever. I will do what it takes to keep our family together because that is exactly where we belong.

7. I find joy in the little things – such as today. Today I find joy in the fact that it is the one day this week where McKenna and I have no plans. Before, I hated these days of nothing. They made me feel useless. But now, I appreciate the quiet times, the times wherein we can simply be mother and daughter, exploring this big world together. It’s nice to just slow down and appreciate the small things.

8. I love so much deeper – Bringing a child into the world with a man who you love can do this to a person. I highly recommend that those of you who haven’t, try it sometime. It’s amazing the intensity of the relationship between not only a man and a wife, but especially that of a mother and a child. It takes my breath away. Multiple times a day.

So to say that motherhood is making me a better person, would in my opinion be the understatement of the year. Being a mother has changed me as a person. And I know that it is only going to get better. <3.

With that, I am off to go and cuddle my wonderful family in our comfortable bed. My favourite place on Earth.

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